I have an unusual predicament with my trainer. I started riding at this particular stable in 1993 as a 13 year old. Before that I was with Quarter Horses – ;). Anyway, my trainer at the time had a very competitve farm in the Morgan circuit, and she had quite a few top level Equitation riders. Over the years though, almost every boarder there left angrily due to my trainer (I don’t know specifics). I have had my issues with her over the years, but I’ve been there so long that I truly care for her and her well being. She has had many spells of bad luck since then including deaths in her family, illness, major money woes and most recently two more of her clients left the farm while she was gone. She is incredibly talented and isn’t a bad person, she’s trying to make a living like the rest of us. Anyway, she’s literally at her wits end and has nobody in her life to turn to. A barn FULL of horses and not a single employee (everyone has left). I’ve been bugging her to start advertising her barn (she’s not online at all), but she’s balky at the idea…it’s sooooo frusturating and I’m worried about her. I would love to hear advice from anyone about ways to improve her client relations, how to get her back in the business (I feel that she has a tarnished reputation) and ANY other tips you all may have. Thank you so much!!!!


11 Responses to Advice

  1. Jan says:

    What I am not hearing here is how much does she want help with these issues you mention. You may be very insightful and correct about the problems in her life, but she has to have the desire to address some serious behavioral changes. You sound like a good and loyal friend and her “issues” sound long-standing.

  2. Black Eye Beth says:

    Boy, that is a tough one. Sometimes it is very hard to help people when they, themselves aren’t sure what they need or want. The fact that you are still in her life and really care about her is probably helping her much more than you know or than she can tell you.

    I hope somebody has some useful ideas for you both. Good Luck!

  3. kim viker says:

    That is a difficult problem. I agree with Jan in that how much does this person really want help or to change? And does she recognize that she may be the problem? Some people do not see themselves as the problem, but blame others. It sounds as if she needs to see a counselor for perhaps anger management issues(?) You can always talk with her about doing something like that, but ultimately, the decision to change must be her own. It is a multilayered issue, and one that you must tread upon lightly. Perhaps you can go to lunch with her and have a heart to heart…

    Good Luck!

  4. your_starr says:

    I wont mention names but I do know who you are talking about. I saw your video of Bobby. I dont know if you remember me or not but i worked for the trainer who recently (last november) left her barn.
    When we left, your trainer offered (begged me) to come work for her and leave my current employer. I think part of why everyone leaves is because there are always huge lavish promises made and nothing is ever followed through with. Everyone I have met in the morgan world (locally) has had some negative run-in with her, and some I’m sure are no fault to her. But when you’ve been in a business that long and have had such negative things happen its always hard to recover. I honestly think she needs to sell of most of her horses who aren;t working, and maybe keep the few school horses and the broodmares that shes sentimental about. Its so expensive and so much work to care for as many horses as she has. Especially when none of them earn an income and just cost her more and more time and money.

  5. your_starr says:

    ps. if you dont mind me asking (or dont want to answer i completely understand) who left? we just saw everyone at the fun show

  6. mrsfire says:

    It has become very clear to me over the years that people are in a situation for a reason. Often, no matter what you do to help them, they will end up back in the same predicament you attempted to rescue them from. If many people have left over the years, there is probably a good reason.

    At some point, people have to help themselves.

  7. jns767 says:

    Thank you all! You’ve pretty much hit the nail on the head – it’s really a bizarre situation.

    My trainer has done some pretty nasty things – I see that she has made her bed and now must lie in it, I just feel soooo bad – she has an awful tendency to blame everyone else for her hardhips and I truly don’t think she is ever going to change. *sigh* it’s just very nice to vent about this to you as I don’t have anyone else around me who is into horses :).

    Thanks for the input everyone, I really do appreciate it.

  8. bella says:

    If I was to write my response it would be EXACTLY as Mrs Fire wrote,,,,,so ditto that.

  9. denu220 says:

    Yeah, I tend to agree with Dawn (Fire) also. Sometimes we CAN’T “rescue” people—as much as we’d like to. This trainer is VERY lucky to have you in her corner… Since you care about her, I think the best thing you can do is just be there for her. You probably won’t change her; human nature goes against that. People have to want to change themselves. Again, she’s very blessed to have you as a friend and supporter; if she ever desires change, she’ll need you to walk with her and—as the expression goes—be there to hold her hand. I’m sorry you’re going through this; I know firsthand it’s painful for people like you who are on the caring end of things…

  10. 2girlsmom says:

    I agree with the above sentiments. JNS767 you are a very good friend. I would like to take this opportunity to comment on what a special group of people this blog has on it. All the comments on this post were so kind and warm hearted. Thank you to all for being so wonderful.

  11. evamorgan says:

    You are certainly a good and loyal friend to stick by her during these tough times. Many times people forget the horse business is also a people business. Once someonne get a bad rep whether deserved or not it is hard to turn it around. She just might need to step back and revaluate her career choice. Or possibly go to work for someone who has good people skills and learn from them about how to improve in that area.
    In any case, I hope she realizes how fortunate she is to have you in her life.

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